


Annals

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Romance, Time Turner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hogwarts to PoA years of Remus Lupin</p>
            </blockquote>





	Annals

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Remus J. Lupin is eleven when he goes to Hogwarts. He is quiet. He sits in the back of his classrooms and never raises his hand. He shares nothing with his roommates and only eats in the Hall on special Announcement Days.

He has no friends. He is lonely, but he reads books and his marks are good. The Headmaster speaks to him once, in the corridor outside History, and asks him if he isn't interested in joining up with the first-year Track Team. He replies that he isn't, and never hears about it again.

He is twelve the next year. Summer has not improved things. He is still quiet. He does not go to Quidditch matches. He has never earned points, but he has never lost points either. He meets another Ravenclaw named Peter Pettigrew, who is chubby and has bad skin. They complete a required project, and Peter says maybe they could hang out sometime, but they don't. Gryffindor wins the House Cup and his Housemates are depressed. They plan a strategy for winning next year. Remus does not participate.

He is thirteen. The wolf comes during the summer. Things are changed.

He goes back to Hogwarts. He sees with brighter vision. He smells with stronger nose. Touch is sensitive and he hears every whisper and giggle in the dorms. He eats in the Hall and takes thirds every meal. When Lucius Malfoy mocks him, he punches the boy in the eye. Malfoy doesn't make fun of him again, but three Slytherins catch him in the showers and hit him in the stomach until he throws up.

A boy named Sirius Black finds him and helps him clean the floor. Sirius takes him to the clinic, and promises not to tell anyone he got beat up.

He has a friend.

He is used to the Shack now. It is not so bad there. Peter chooses him for lab partner in Potions. He thinks about the Track Team, but does not seek them out. He goes to Hogsmeade, and is amazed by the joke shop. He buys cherry bombs, and puts them in the Slytherin toilets.

He loses fifteen points and has detention for two weeks. Sirius laughs every time he sees Remus, and calls him a hero.

He is fourteen, and he joins the Track Team. He likes to run. He runs faster and farther than all the others, even the fifth-years. Sirius comes to watch the first competition, and cheers for him loudly when he wins First Place. Peter shakes his hand afterward and says he wishes he could run like that.

Remus knows it is the wolf inside. But he is pleased anyway.

Fourth Year is a good year. Sirius is good at making trouble, and he spurs Remus on to new heights. They are regulars at Zonko's, but Remus is clever, and doesn't need help in thinking up mischief. He makes enemies, but he doesn't care. Sirius tells him he ought to have been a Gryffindor. Severus Snape says the same thing, in a very different tone. The Slytherins still don't like him, and they are often the butt of his jokes. He is fast, and he runs away from them.

He gets a girlfriend after Christmas. Her name is Lily Evans. She is pretty, with red hair and freckles. She kisses him, and holds his hand, and he lets her, but isn't sure he likes her the way she likes him. They break up after three months, and she dates James Potter, the Gryffindor Seeker, instead. Jim apologises, but Remus only smiles.

He is fifteen, and Sirius asks him where he goes every month. He doesn't answer. But Sirius knows. Sirius says he won't tell anyone, and Remus believes him.

He is fifteen, and he is handsome and strong. The wolf inside makes him smarter and quicker. There are days when he thinks he can run forever, when every problem has an easy solution. He is invincible.

He is fifteen, and Sirius fights with Severus Snape and sends him to the Shack.

He is fifteen, and Jim Potter saves them both. He is fifteen, and Severus Snape is one of many Slytherins who corner him and hurt him. He does not run anymore. Lily carries his bag so he can use his crutches. Jim says they'll plan something, revenge, and Remus asks him not to.

Snape calls him a faggot in the hallway. Sirius spits on Snape, and Remus tells them both to shut up before a teacher hears. Remus wonders if Snape is a faggot. He remembers what Snape did.

He goes home at the end of fifth year, and wishes he didn't have to go back to school when summer is over.

He is twenty-two. Jim marries Lily, and he goes to their wedding, and dances with Lily once, while she teases him for his limp. He dances with Sirius, mostly as a joke, but Sirius kisses him on the cheek when it is over, and later, when he is drunk, he cries and asks Remus to forgive him. Remus does, and Sirius kisses him again, and Remus realises that Sirius is a faggot.

He is twenty-two, and he knows the name Voldemort- everyone knows the name Voldemort. People have died, but it seems far away. Peter takes a job with the Ministry, someone's personal secretary, and tells Remus there is an opening with Crouch, the new Minister of Security, if he wants it. He is a werewolf. If Crouch will take him, he wants the job.

He applies, and gets it job. Crouch tells him to buy nicer robes, and shows him the file cabinets. Remus is dismayed, but he wades in anyway.

Jim is a famous Auror soon. Lily is not far behind, and they tell him stories that make him regret his desk job. He cannot pass the rigorous physical entrance examinations to be an Auror.

Sirius comes by for tea, sometimes. They sit quietly. He doesn't know if Sirius remembers the wedding. He is glad that Sirius comes.

He is twenty-three, and Crouch works him long hours. Voldemort is not so far away now. He reads the reports as he types them for the files. He knows more than James and Lily and Sirius do. All the secretaries have to take an oath of secrecy. There is a list of things they're not allowed to talk about. One of them is Voldemort. He is uncomfortable with his friends. He cannot talk about his job, and all there is is his job. They try not to push him, but there is less and less to say.

Lily becomes pregnant. They have a party to celebrate. They do LSD, and he doesn't feel anything at first. Sirius goes to the bathroom, and he's laughing when he comes back, laughing uncontrollably. Jim and Lily lie on the couch together, whispering and kissing. Peter jokes with Sirius.

Remus goes to the back porch, and opens the screen door, and lies down in the grass. The stars are bright. The moon is almost full.

He is fourteen, and he is running. He runs so fast he feels the wind cooling his sweat. His muscles burn but he is free. He is faster than everyone, the wolf makes him brilliant.

Sirius stands over him, lies down beside him. He remembers that Sirius is a faggot. Sirius kisses him, and touches him, and they are making love on the lawn of Jim and Lily's house, while they make love inside it.

He is fifteen, and he is hurt, and Severus Snape makes him swallow. Sirius is Snape. Hands on his prick, on his back, on his head. Pulling his hair. He is Remus Lupin and he can't run away. He cries. Sirius holds him and tells him that he loves him.

He is twenty-three and the moon is almost full.

Crouch gives him clearance for second-priority, and he is twenty-four and cannot talk about anything with his friends anymore. He knows the names of all the Aurors who have died and all the missions that have failed. He knows who the Ministry watches, and knows that if they could spare the men, he would be watched now. He sees Peter at HQ, but they cannot exchange more than greetings. He works long nights. When he comes home, Sirius is waiting for him. They fall into bed. He is tired and upset, and Sirius is quiet. Sometimes, he remembers that Sirius does not have a job, and wonders what he does all day. He always forgets by night.

He knows when Jim and Lily begin to close in on Voldemort, and he knows when he begins to close in on them. He tries to warn them, but Crouch warns him first, and there is a man who waits outside his apartment.

Sirius doesn't touch him that night. They lie on the bed they share, and Sirius says, tell me if there's anything I should know.

He is twenty-four and he can't.

They choose Sirius as the Secret Keeper, and he only knows because Sirius mentions it in the note he leaves when his things are gone and the flat is empty. He goes to work, and Crouch is going crazy, there is a leak in the Department and no-one is safe. He doesn't go home, but sleeps for four hours on the couch in the lounge, with Mrs Stuart curled at the other end under her coat and Peter on the floor with his head on a chair cushion, and then he gets up and goes back to his cubicle and tries to decide what tips are real and which are planted and who was where at what time.

He turns twenty-five two days after the Potters are murdered. He is there when Crouch tries to interrogate Sirius. They ask him questions, too. Crouch rants and threatens. Sirius goes to Azkaban, still laughing, and Remus almost goes with him.

Severus Snape was a Death Eater. He was a spy, too. They sit in the waiting room together, in HQ, and sometimes Snape starts to speak, but never does.

He is twenty-five, and all his life is over.

He returns to Hogwarts. He meets Harry Potter on the train. He stands on the track outside the Quidditch Pitch. He is thirty-four. It is night, and silent, and he is alone.

He drops his rucksack, and scuffs a shoe in the dirt. He still limps. He is thin, his hair is grey, and he is tired.

Jogging is hard at first. But then he catches the rhythm. He builds up speed, his feet pounding the dirt, his worn shoes slipping sometimes on sandy patches. He runs until his lungs reject the air, and his sides convulse with cramps, and he is blinded by sweat. He falls to his knees in the grass, sprawls on his stomach, heaving and dizzy.

He is fourteen, and when he runs, he is the wind.


End file.
